Shashi Tharoor was recently in the news after his wife alleged that he was having an affair with one Mehr Tarar – a journalist from Pakistan. Twitter erupted after the news, because that is what really matters in this nation – who’s sleeping with whom. The real reason behind this entire sordid escapade would actually shock every Indian.
India.com has learned, that Mr Tharoor is actually India’s version of James Bond – this time he was working on a mission to penetrate the ISI. It’s just that like Mr Bond, Mr Tharoor has trouble keeping his pants on and one thing led to another. But sadly, Shashi Tharoor didn’t count on one thing – a vengeful wife. James Bond, for all his bravado and charm, never married and Mr Tharoor should’ve realised that the secret service and marriage don’t mix.
He was Her Majesty’s (Sonia’s not the Queen’s) most dangerous weapon and was sent from country to country to infiltrate security organisations. Of course like Bond, Mr Tharoor has trouble keeping his pants on and the globe is littered with instances of his indecencies. In fact, 069 (his code name) had actually retired and was given the ministerial post as a reward for his years of outstanding service in the field for Her Majesty. However, he was forced to return to the field after the IPL fiasco and was on a mission to infiltrate the ISI but his wife Sunanda Tharoor just lost it when she found he had slept with a female journalist to get undercover information!
Agent 069′s tale
Shashi was born in London and had a pretty normal life but the British Secret Service had its eyes on him. There was something about the young lad who loved to read and talk to girls. Before his parents moved back to India, Tharoor received basic training. Given that the British always loves to help former colonies deal with their problems ( cough Operation Bluestar cough), they felt training some natives would help the Empire live on. And Shashi was a natural, able to fit in different kinds of societies thanks to his multilingual abilities, suave personality and pseudo-intellectual charm. He even got some books published under his name to maintain his cover.
There is no other explanation for a quote like this: ‘A philosopher is a lover of wisdom, not of knowledge, which for all its great uses ultimately suffers from the crippling effect of ephemerality. All knowledge is transient linked to the world around it and subject to change as the world changes, whereas wisdom, true wisdom is eternal immutable. To be philosophical one must love wisdom for its own sake, accept its permanent validity and yet its perpetual irrelevance. It is the fate of the wise to understand the process of history and yet never to shape it.’ It doesn’t make any sense when you’re sober!
His job at the UN was the perfect cover for him to go about his business without arousing suspicion and his mission took him to Geneva, Singapore and was also in-charge of ‘peacekeeping operations’ in New York City and later in the troubled eastern European region of Yugoslavia. Anyone familiar with the world of espionage will know the peacekeeping is euphemism for deadly assassin! He even took part in a fake campaign to get himself elected to UN Secretary General but got the US to vote against him so that current UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon would win because he hated the desk.
The ISI Affair
Tharoor retired from active field service in 2009, and settled down to become a politician for Her Majesty’s party who felt she could use his considerable skills to use for her. Sadly, Mr Tharoor was not familiar with Indian politics and came across as a know-it-all smart arse who alienated voters, the opposition and his party members who just couldn’t understand his accent! That’s when made the grave mistake of marrying (official records say he was married thrice but the older two were just covers). Marriage just didn’t agree with 069, whose wife couldn’t hold her drinks and constantly drew unwanted attention. That’s when he decided to get back in the field, and infiltrate the ISI after recent cross-border tension. Things were going well until his little one trumped his head and he decided to sleep with a journalist thinking she was an ISI agent. Sadly, she had no connection with the ISI and his wife found out which led to the very obscene and graphic embarrassment for everyone involved – the journalist in question, Agent 069 and her Majesty.
Pictures by Jyoti Desale
Disclaimer – This is a satire post and a complete figment of our imagination.