Dhoti controversy: 5 reasons why Goa minister Sudin Dhavalikar makes sense and dhoti could be put to innovative use

Goa PWD minister and Maharashtrawadi Gomantak Party leader Sudin Dhavalikar’s exhortation to Goans to wear traditional attire like dhoti, should be seen as the outcome of serious out of the box thinking. It has the potential to solve many of the ills India is facing. Its USP lies in the fact that it could reduce the number of crimes especially rape happening against women.

Five reasons why minister Sudin Dhavalikar makes sense and dhoti could be put to innovative use.

Chastity belt:

This will certainly bring down the spiraling instances of rape occurring in India. Rapists, according to crime statistics, have often been found to wear trousers with zippers. Zippers can be opened with one hand and helps them commit their crime while holding on to the victims. Fourteen feet of dhoti with several knots tied strategically around the pelvic region, will prevent men high on testosterone from committing the crimes. The time required to untie the knots of the dhoti, will certainly drain the potential rapist of any passionate stirrings in his loin. This could also help parents to check if their wards have been upto some hanky panky.

Dhotis as penile sheaths:

Considering that Indians do not have a culture of wearing penile sheaths, Indian males could tuck their dhoti around their manhood and display them proudly without offending the moralities or our Victorian sensibilities of anyone especially the moral police. This could also help majority of Indians to overcome their size related complexes. Considering that a dhoti measures around 15 feet, the boner Indian males will proudly sport could give them a booster dose of self-confidence.

Use it for foreplay:

Indians, according to the Kamathipura-based World Institute of Sex and Sexual Activities, are less adventurous in sex. They still follow the archaic WHAM, BAM, THANKYOU MA’AM school of sex. Foreplay is often kicked along with the underwear by men and what happens in the name of sex is groping, violent penetration (in the absence of foreplay) and then ejaculation often of the premature kind. Now consider if you wear dhoti as a penile sheath. The time required to untie the boner could be used productively in foreplay. Women get ready for the big O.

 Dhoti could be used as condoms:

Ancient Egyptians were the first to use condoms according to historical research. Men from the land of the Pharoahs used linen sheaths to cover their penis to prevent pregnancy and protect themselves from all kinds of STDs. The lack of easy availability of condoms and reluctance to use it by latex-allergic men have been blamed for the rise in unwanted pregnancies and STDs. Using dhoti as condoms could ensure people are saved from unwanted visits to the doctors.

Use it as baby carrier:

‘When the hurly burly’s done, When the battle’s lost and won’ and you end up with a child, you could use it as a baby carrier. Not to talk of curtailing wasteful expenditure in buying the substandard ones imported from China. It will not only be more comfortable for the child but also help you transform into a metro-sexual.

Meanwhile, Dhavalikar should start wearing dhoti and rekindle his ties with Indian culture.